the child's hopelessness; excessive protection, the incompetence of the child; overindulgence, the inexorability of the child; too much accusation, and the inaction of the child... In the future, the psychological reconstruction of strong people is mainly used to train children's psychological quality, behavioral ability, moral and social adaptability.
"Chinese children's success" future strong psychological reconstruction method for the future strong person's psychological reconstruction, which is mainly used to train the children's psychological quality, behavior ability, morality and social adaptability.
(1) loud speaking method
the first method of "future strong mental reconstruction" is called "loud speaking method".
loud speaking is one of the effective training methods to overcome psychological defects, and it is also an important training to improve social behavior and social viability. Let children express their thoughts, wishes and feelings loudly, naturally and clearly.
this kind of training seems to be difficult for some parents. Some people are twenty or thirty years old and even thirty or forty years old, they can't express their views in a public opening. Some very intelligent people lack this ability, and some highly educated people lack this ability. They are all subject to this defect and weakness. These facts make parents feel that it is very difficult for their children to do this. It is not difficult to solve this problem. According to the different ages of our children, we have worked out different solutions.
for children, especially small children, the method is simple: use his most urgent request as a reward to train him. Young children always like to have one thing, such as what they want to eat, what to play and what you need to do for him. It's very simple. Let the children speak loudly or express their opinion loudly, then give it to your child. This method is very easy for parents to master. Children have all kinds of demands. They should be good at using their children's urgent requirements and train their children to speak loudly. This is a way for one or two year old children to be quick and quick. Do not think that letting the child speak a few words is wronged him, the child will benefit from life. Be sure to train your child to speak loudly. If it is loud enough, but it is not clear enough, ask him to make it clear. For example, he wants a toy, but he talks too fast, is not clear, let him speak clearly, and then meet his requirements.
for the older children, the main way is to praise and encourage. Secondly, we should pay attention to easy and difficult.
is the child not more shy and afraid to speak loudly? Then, on a certain occasion, if the children speak louder than before, praise immediately and encourage immediately. It must be easy and difficult to train a child's speech. It is not possible to let him see a stranger who is most afraid of him at first, or to bring him to a particularly serious occasion to make him speak loudly, which will frighten him. It's easy and difficult: speak loudly at home, speak loudly with acquaintances, and speak loudly in a relaxed occasion.
for children who are older, such as high school students, they should be aware of the harm in time.
tell your child that if you do not solve this problem, you will lose many opportunities in your life. It is necessary for a person to express his views clearly and clearly. When mature children understand this, problems will be solved soon. Another way to do
is to do facial expression recitation at home.
find a story. Isn't there a lot of characters in the story? You recite it with an expression. In this paragraph, the child is speaking, and reads aloud with a child's voice: "when are you coming back, mom?" The next paragraph is what Dad said: "baby, open the door for daddy." Read aloud with your father's voice. We should read literary works in a loud and colorful voice at home. Speaking in a very loud voice at home, it takes no effort to speak out with seven points of voice.
parents can also train themselves in this way. For example, if you want to speak like a famous person, you can find a book that he wrote and read it aloud. This reading is like oral speech. You can read and read various kinds of speech materials. This information allows you to enter the speaker's point of view and find the feeling.
loud speaking is a very important aspect of training children's psychological quality.
(2) the second way to return the power law
the future strong psychological reconstruction method is called the "return power law".
the misunderstanding of some family education now lies in the deprivation of two powers of the child: one is to care for and manage his own power, and the two is to care for the power of others. A seven or eight year old child, you put all his: study, eat and drink lazara sleep in tube, arranged, take care of, you are depriving him of the power to care for yourself. A ten year old child, if you don't let him care about his parents and care about others, you deprive him of his right to care for others. The deprivation of two powers has led to misunderstanding in our family education. This is a particularly big misunderstanding. It is not good for parents, bad for children, bad for the nation, bad for the whole society, and therefore the defects of the child's character. Children are born with the power and interest in caring for themselves and caring for others.
children also like to cook their own houses, cook their own meals, get a small pot of small bowls, simulate adults. This is called to care for yourself. Take the doll as a child and make a noise to let her sleep. Or find a smaller child as a child, give him a simulated shaving and simulate his face. It is called to be interested in other people's interest. Children are young. The two care of the child is a kind of ability and a life content that he must have learned in the culture as a person, and you deprive it of it, can you? May not锛�
when the child is very young, the parents take charge of these two powers. But this is not your power, it is the power of the child. It is only temporary custody. When a child is in the womb, you are in charge of it; when the baby is just born, you will be in charge for some time. As children grow up, they are gradually returned to their children. When the child is seventeen or eight, the two powers will be returned to him completely. How do you feel when your child is twenty or thirty? Children are not like children, parents are not like parents.
when we give the power back to our children, we need to add a word to it, which is called "guiding the power back to the children". Because a child or a child, or because he has been coddled, did not let him take care of himself, care for himself, care for others, he will not, and therefore have to give him guidance to him. It's not that everything is your own. As a result, he was in a mess, and he didn't sleep on time, and he didn't study on time. This is called no guidance. It is the right policy to have a direct return.
What does the right to return to the children include? Manage the power of one's own learning; master the power of his own time; master his time power; master his power of play; control and use the power of the parents to give him the money; the power of communication and social life; the power to choose and arrange his own clothes; the power to choose and arrange his own diet; Control your own beds, desks and drawers; control the power of your books; in your given economic scope, he has the power to shop himself.
- these powers should be given to children gradually as children grow up and mature. In the future life and work, there is a ability to manage the surrounding environment, manage the material, and manage the money in the future life and work. You gave the child pocket money and gave him a limit. You should induct him and guide him, so that he can use it correctly instead of interfering with him. Diet should not be arranged too concretely, one dish, he wants to eat anything to eat, do not want to eat anything not to eat. Children want to lose weight, you allow him to eat more, which are interfering with children's power. Therefore, it is very important for children to have the right to care for themselves and to manage themselves, and gradually have the right to care for others.
If children are big - a child in primary school, they don't know their parents' birthday and do not know their parents' birthday. The reason is the parents' wrong education. Because parents do not train their children to care about others, and do not give their children the right to care about others. When a child does not care about his parents and cares about his family, he may not care about others in his whole life. How does this kind of people live in society? Therefore, the transfer of power is a particularly important slogan.
we advocate the return of these two powers that children should have. The power is returned to the child, and the child is used more correctly. This time, do not interfere with the child's power any more. Children deprived of these two powers from childhood are not able to survive. Children deprived of these two powers from childhood are less creative. A great man once said that I managed my drawers from an early age. The meaning of this sentence is that the world belongs to him, and he arranges well. Drawer reflects his sense of responsibility, ability and self-confidence, which arranges his imagination and artistry.
do not infringe on these two powers of children. They also show their children's time and space to their children, showing the moderate distance between parents and children. As children grow older, there is a moderate distance between parents and children. You can't limit all your child's time to your vision, or limit the time of a school child to a parent's perspective. There is no moderate distance that affects the growth of a child. It is impossible for children to develop normally and healthily. In turn, let the children feel that their parents will always be enveloped in themselves, under their parents' wings, there is no room for free activities, and children will not grow. Moderate distance should be advocated. The final expression of
returning power to children is that children's self-care ability and self-control ability are gradually increasing as children grow older.
(3) role replacement method
the third method is called role replacement method.
this is to increase the children's ability to survive, to increase the children's adaptability to society, to improve their psychological quality, to make children learn to care for others and to care for themselves is a more convenient way to operate.
generally, family matters are determined by parents. As children grow older, let children decide on certain things. Two or three year old boy can ask him to make an idea: what kind of food do you have today? What kind of food do you make? He would like to be a master sometimes. A bigger child can ask him to decide what to buy: what furniture to buy at home? How to decorate the house? How are you going on Sunday? Where do I go for the holiday? What's the birthday of grandparents?
involves more things and can be discussed with larger children. Parents' work and problems in their families allow children to make suggestions. Let children decide for certain things, so that children stand on the role of parents in the past. This is called "role replacement". The specific way is to invite children to be parents on holidays and Sunday.
in our "future strong training camp", many children put forward a place to reverse a position with parents, let the parents be a child, let the child be a parent, that is, on this day, all the children say. How do parents feel when children feel? If your child manages your family in your way, are you uncomfortable? There are two benefits of doing this in
. One good thing is, when parents know where the children are not comfortable, not comfortable enough, and what the parents in the past are not suitable for. Another advantage is to let children experience the behavioral and psychological qualities they need to be masters of the family. Both sides have a harvest. Another specific activity of
"role replacement" is to ask children to judge their parents.
usually you evaluate the child. You find a time, very sincere ask the child to evaluate, dad and mom have what shortcomings, what advantages, daddy and mother where to do well, where do not good enough. In particular, let the children evaluate the image of their parents. Is it right to treat children in family education? As a parent, how are your creativity, intelligence, mental health, health status and moral self-restraint level? Let the child evaluate you. This assessment of parents can give children a very good feeling. During my conversations with many college students, they also said that parents basically didn't understand them, but they could understand their parents. Please listen to the words of the children. Let the child evaluate you. When the child appraise you, you will find that, on the one hand, some of your advantages, some strengths, and some good qualities, the child is very clear that he can appreciate you, which will move you. On the other hand, it is possible that your shortcomings, shortcomings and weaknesses in your life are very real and very cordial. This kind of touch enables you to have the desire and determination to change yourself and rebuild yourself.
asking children to evaluate their parents, there is another skill: ask children some questions and ask them to help themselves do something. As a parent, especially the more capable parents, when you ask some questions about the child, you will find that the child is sometimes unexpected. They will work hard to help you think about it.
when you ask the child to do one thing for you, although he used to help him in the past, when you let him help, it also strongly touches the sense of responsibility of the child in this respect and the sense of pride of others.
this sense of responsibility and pride is also important for children's growth.
is good at helping children, guiding children, helping their children to help themselves, being good at asking for their children and letting their children guide their parents. They are real good parents, smart parents, parents who treat their children equally, and parents who respect their children's creativity.
(4) love cultivation method
Fourth ways, "love cultivation method".
love is everywhere now. Many people have forgotten how important love is. When we ask for love in family education, if we do not clarify its importance, we may be regarded as an empty preaching. The cultivation of
we give you the following reasons: you will be alert when you look at it.
first, a caring person will be in good health.
we find a rule that people with physical and mental health are easy to love people. You are very healthy, energetic and emotional today, so you are willing to care about others. On the contrary, a more loving person, when he is lying on the bed in pain, has no time to care for others. Physical and mental health is the physiological and psychological basis of love. In turn, full of love can make people physically and mentally healthy. A loving person from an early age is physically and mentally healthy. Not cultivating children's love is actually an important way to deprive children of their physical and mental health.
Second, the loving person is creative.
literature and art have such a rule that creativity can emerge exponentially when the creator is in love. In general invention and creation, a caring person is usually lively, lively and in good condition. A person is irritable, vicious, jealous and narrow-minded. Such a person lacks creativity. Therefore, cultivating children's love is tantamount to cultivating their creativity. A lot of creativity comes from caring and caring about human beings, such as medical creation, scientific creation, biological creation, psychological creation, and literary creation because of caring for human beings and caring for all aspects of human life. Without love, where is it to be created?
Third, love is the charm of human beings in social life.
a man, whether a man or a woman, when he goes to society, he is loving to the people around him. This person is charming, and everyone likes him, and everyone loves him. If your child is loving, he will have many connections and opportunities in the future. Not to cultivate a child's love is to deprive the charm of a child, not to smile, to love or to be loved by others, and to be a loser in the future.
Fourth, love is a virtue.
caring people care about society and care for others. They are moral people and respected people.
fifth, with love and physical and mental health, creativity, charm and virtue, he can have better social viability. He has better ability to deal with classmates, friends, colleagues and the whole society. Without love, it is the deprivation of all these abilities. What kind of way do you not want to cultivate children's love now? Is the road to failure? Is it an unhealthy road? Therefore, love will ultimately achieve the future of the child.
one of the fundamental principles of cultivating love is to set up the object of care and care to be taken care of by his children, and to set up a weak person who needs to be taken care of and care for him, so that he has the kind of heart that is similar to the parent's treatment of the child. For example, there is a younger brother and sister around him. This is the object of care and care that he needs. Under the guidance of his parents, the child will have the love of the other side. Besides, you can let your child grow a potted flower or raise a small animal. This potted flower, such a small animal, has become a weak person and object that he can take care of and care for and care for.
Third, although you are a parent, people do not have absolute strength or weakness. Is there no time for the parents to be weak? When parents are sick, when they are uncomfortable, when they are upset, they should take care of your child and take care of your opportunities. When children's grandparents are uncomfortable, we should not only care for ourselves, but also inspire our children to take care of them. This is also a way of mobilizing children's love. Love is through this specific behavior, by letting the child understand that he is able to care for others and take care of others, and to be able to sympathize and care for a more weak object than it is. This is the "nurturing law of love"