source: Chinese Youth Daily writer: Fan Wei Jun
Mr. Li has returned to Beijing's home from Zhengzhou a few days ago and ended a month to send her daughter to college to accompany his life. As a father of a "new" college student, Mr. Li, who is high and strong, came back to Beijing following the following symptoms: sensitive and fragile, seeing the father and daughter on the street flicker; often in a daze, both home or meeting friends are always absent-minded; mobile phones are always looking forward to receiving their daughter's phone, but the telephone is true Came and did not know what to say, "how to eat, sleep well" asked again and again...... The children who have been soaring up are not grateful or even bored by their parents' concern and concern.
Beijing girl Wen ran entered a university in this city this year. Her school and home are in Haidian District, not far away. However, it has been more than two months since the beginning of September, and Wen ran did not return home. "My parents can almost come to three or four times a week. Hide nowhere! "
the freshmen and their families have entered a quiet period after the tension of preparing for the college entrance examination, the entanglement of volunteering, the excitement of the service and the rush of admission to the school. But behind this calm, some deep problems and contradictions in the family education are emerging.
a "family sawing war" is between parents and 95 children after 60 and 70: children stick to their parents when they are young, and their parents yearn for freedom; they grow up, their parents stick to their children, and the children are anxious to be independent. Many parents who have just sent their children to university have called themselves "empty nesters", even though they are only forty or fifty years old. People often use "weaning" to compare children's independence, but when the children are really growing up and independent, some parents can't adapt to it and even feel miserable.
for children to pay everything, the children go to university husband and wife separated
Mr. Li said that their "empty nest" symptoms are later than their wives.
two couples are all college graduates, wife Yang is reading a normal school, and two people attach great importance to her daughter's education. In this year, from psychological to physiological, Ms. Yang's care for her daughter is meticulous. She wants her daughter to go to a good university, and then the way of life can go more smoothly.
when she learns that her daughter has been accepted by a university in the field, Ms. Yang, who had been in his daughter's performance before, suddenly realized that her daughter was going to leave himself. Miss Yang is crazy about asking for a relationship, hoping to get a daughter from a university in Beijing, even if the school is low.
of course, these efforts are futile.
two people who don't rest assured of their daughter's wife, decide to let her husband work free to read for a period of time. Even so, when she leaves home, Ms. Yang has not eaten for a day. "I feel as if my life was still puberty yesterday, and how suddenly it came to the empty nest, and the heart was completely empty."
, when Miss Yang was sad for her daughter's flying away, Ms. Hu also finished her "mother's service".
Ms Hu is a graduate student who graduated in 90s of last century. She took her son to see her graduate tutor a week ago. This is her first visit to the teacher 20 years after graduation. "I haven't made much progress in my work in the past 20 years, but I'm very good at bringing up my son." Ms. Hu said to the tutor.
arguably, the master degree students in that era are still relatively rare. If they are willing to work hard, they can become the backbone of the unit and the best in the industry. In the second years since her accession, Ms Hu's focus has shifted from career to family. After his son's school, Ms. Hu was more invested. Every day he thought of "how to make the children develop good learning habits", "what other people have learned" "what does the son need to learn" "what time to learn"... Ms Hu's timetable should also be arranged according to her son's timetable. Don't mention visiting your teacher, even your work is often delayed.
"these years with my son is my main business, my job is sideline, and the rest is nothing else." Ms. Hu said.
maybe some people think that Ms. Hu and Ms. Yang don't see much of their parents, but it can't be denied that many parents have their shadow more or less.
Ms. Hu and Ms. Yang are representatives of the 60 after 70 years. Their education and parental attitudes are totally different from those of their parents. This generation grew up in the turbulent period of Chinese society, coupled with the large number of brothers and sisters. And when they become parents, it coincides with China's economic and cultural trends towards openness, modernity and pluralism, with great changes in educational concepts and educational methods.
especially from 90s to the last century, it is the most abundant 20 years of social education in China. Not only the concept of quality education is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, but also a large number of educational ideas from the west, which are considered to be more scientific, pour into China. In the literature study, some scholars found that the education dictionary before 1993 did not include the "educational idea". After that, all kinds of educational ideas not only appeared in dictionaries, but also became hot topics in people's daily life.
no generation of parents had paid so much attention to the education and growth of their children like 60 and 70, and no generation of parents had put so much effort into their children as they did.
invest more, and want more returns.
however, the rewards of this generation of parents are not materialistic, and they expect more emotional rewards from their children.
"my father suddenly said to me in a sad way this summer vacation," I wish you could at least accompany me to 50 years old! " Yuan Yimeng, a girl from Ocean University of China, said. In the mind of Yuan Yi Meng, dad was not a sensitive person. "Before I went to college, I even felt that he wanted me to leave home quickly."
because of the inability to adapt to the life of the child leaving home, some parents open the "sticky" mode: every day to call, send a letter, go to school to visit each other, and the extreme like Mr. Li, simply renting and reading near the school. Some parents simply decided to regenerate a child because they could not bear the loneliness of their children after they left home.