Re: man rode for 18 years: only on the road did he feel that he was a father.
is there any moment that you can't keep up with yourself? On 2011, when it reached Dabieshan, it rained heavily, just like the wind and rain at the two hills. While the asphalt road was skidding, the wind blows the two flags behind his motorbike, and Guo Gangtang pushes the motorbike up the mountain, and he finds that the top is not up, but it is more dangerous. He felt his brain could not move.
stalemate, the strong wind blew down the motorbike and almost rolled him down the hill. There was a big stone with a diameter of over one meter on the side of the road. He looked down the hill, 30 centimeters less than the cliff. Guo Gangtang thought it might be the end of the day to collect his life. In the middle of the day, he wanted to jump down. Maybe that would be free.
the two sides look for the flag, the side on the right has fallen, the left side is only sixty or seventy centimeters away from the ground, and it is crackling in the wind. In the sound of the whining, on the right side of the flag, Xiao Guo Zhen was skewing the round small brain, looking at him pure in his eyes, as if saying, "don't I have been here with you, dad?" Guo Gangtang's thoughts flashed in those seconds.
he paused on a big stone for a moment, and used a rope to drag more than one metre of motorcycle to the back of the stone, hide the wind, as the wind was a little small, and the rain was a little bit smaller, and he rode on the motorbike and went down to the next station.
this belief, like the dim light of darkness, has never been extinguished. "When I ride a motorcycle, I think every time I get on the train, I can almost get him back. But every time I come back, it's all disappointing. " Guo Gangtang said.
rival
has a long road ahead, and when the result is not enough, he can not give up his heart, and the torment will not end.
Liaocheng, for the Yellow River and Beijing - Hangzhou the Grande Canale intersection, has been called the hometown of martial arts since ancient times. In high school, no student threw discus throws at the same time, and he insisted on physical conflict. He was not afraid in the bottom of his heart.
but after riding a motorcycle, he went out with two steel tubes, with a diameter of about one dollar and a length of 80 centimeters. He didn't sleep in the wild before
. Besides sleeping in the countryside for one or two times, he was not far away from home. Usually there are one or two clothes in the bag. The longest time he has been riding in the field for half a year, he has a bearded face and a down face. He did not feel that he had anything to clean up.
but for a long time no fruit, for a time, he felt more and more anxious, very afraid to see people, "no strength, do not want to deal with people, do not want to deal with people", he tried not to rest in the town at night, he is more willing to go to those places that others dare not go, do not want to go for the night, bridge, temple, Temple A temple, an orchard, or a graveyard.
more than 10 years riding on the road, what is it like? Many times, he was driving a motorcycle, while silently shed tears. The long road ahead can not wait until the result, he can not give up his heart, and the torment will not end.
2010, one day, he set out from his home in Liaocheng, looking for children, riding a motorcycle through Ji'nan, and going through the ten road crossing. A lot of people look at the window of the bus, look at his flickering flags in the wind and talk to him. Look, the man is looking for a child. .
he felt "helpless" at that time, and there seemed to be a collapse in his heart. There's no end to that. In the heart, the tears could not stop, and the front became blurred. He had been riding on his teeth and had not stopped by the red light.
some time, he got a clue, went to his destination, and finally found himself riding on a motorcycle at a loss, until three or four days later, he couldn't move, but he had already passed through that destination. "After that state, it was again." Turn off, go back. "
there are also the guilt and anguish that no one can relieve, no one can tell, like a shadow and a shadow. Guo Zhen's name, most of the time, is a taboo in his family. When riding to the field, he is also homesick. Sometimes he will find a public phone and make a safe report to his home. He will not take the initiative to say something about Guo Zhen. He said he didn't wait for the result, so there was nothing to report. The family never told him not to go out, and his wife would not ask the result voluntarily. This is a tacit agreement for many years.
all these years, watering and fertilizing in the family were helped by relatives such as elder brother, elder sister and so on. One year, he came home from abroad looking for a child. He wanted to surprise his wife. When he returned home, he found his pregnant wife, who was pregnant with a bloated body in July and August, stood by the kitchen table, dipped in a bowl of soy sauce, gnawing steamed bread, a little bit of oil in soy sauce bowl, and a bowl of corn paste on the side. He just felt sour in his eyes, and simply said a few words to his wife. He hid away. He could not even shed tears.
and one year in the summer, more than 2 o'clock noon, he rode a motorcycle to Lianyungang on the sea, feel depressed, then stop a motorcycle, one head into the sea swimming. He felt that he was in contact with the sea, and the sea was coming up in waves, and the brackish water was pouring into his nose, and he choked several times. He felt that he belonged to the sea. He did not want anything, and the pain that had wrapped him around seemed to be gone. He kept swimming for more than 4 hours before he reached the shore. The broken motorcycle with two sides looking for a child flag, no one wanted to, waiting for him all alone.
that night, he slept for several days in the seaside for the first time. The night's sleep was very strict, and the next day he found that he had been bitten by a mosquito.
his dream when he was young was to be a soldier, preferably to go to the Navy and eventually failed to achieve it. Those dreams, in his eyes, are tiny fragments. Later, he often thought, if at first, "take any road, life will not be like this."
"from 27 to 45 years of age, the best decade of a person's life has completely consumed me." Guo Gangtang said.
someone asked him, could you give up? If you have gone out, you will not want to give up the question of not giving up. Just like your loved one has cancer, you will still seek medical advice everywhere. Is this for others' eyes? This is a kind of psychological comfort. So is the search. " After a long time, he felt that he was quite contradictory. He said, "actually, there are many times that I want to give up myself. This is my own competition."
the most quiet way to let him be in his home, sitting at the side of Dongchang Lake, spring to the lake, beautiful flowers, peach and plum blossom, but he did not feel, only looking at the lake to be daze, once, he was in the lake, from the early night, like the surface, gradually calm. Looking at the sea or seeing the lake is a bit scared. I have doubts about myself, because I am afraid I will not be in the normal person's frequency. Guo Gangtang said.