How to educate children?
the child is the center of the family, parents with all their hardships and no regrets to get all their blood into the children, careful care of the children every day, everywhere for the children to consider, even so the child can understand your heart and soul? Can you thrive?
in our life there is a 15 year old girl who gives up the exam with his parents on the back; the first girl is busy showing love in the QQ space, but ignoring the hard work of the parents... Now, many parents are faced with the confusion: children naturally enjoy everything their parents offer, but they do not know how to be grateful, and even throw their own pressures on their parents, such as school and employment.
in fact, the occurrence of this kind of phenomenon can not all be blamed on the children. The guidance and education methods of parents are very important. It is necessary to make the children learn to self manage and be responsible for themselves.
little dream (a pseudonym) is not only beautiful and lovely, but also can sing and dance, and is the most favorite little princess at home. As long as there are guests in the family, little dreams are always called to show talent. In the praise of family and guests, the dream of "becoming a star" has gradually come into being in the heart of little dreams. But no one has told little dreams that dreams can be realized without any means.
in the middle school entrance examination, little dream abandoned examination. In those days, like all the examinees, she ate breakfast carefully prepared by her family and went to the examination center accompanied by her parents. However, after the parents turned around and left, Xiao Meng also left the examination site.
all this, parents have been kept in the dark until the results of the middle school entrance examination, they know that my daughter had abandoned the examination. Facing the collapse of the parents, the little dream said lightly, "so many stars have not been to high school, do not also be famous?"
parents of small dreams, of course, know that the little dream is said to be less likely to be lower, so they have to use all the relationships in the family to find the place that can continue to go to school. Finally, with the help of his relatives, he spent tens of thousands of yuan to find a "home" for a little dream -- an art school that also had the chance to take part in the college entrance examination.
this thought that small dream sees parents' difficulty, should reflect well, study hard. I did not think that the dream of the three years was still muddled, and even changed a few "boyfriend", but the parents of the little dream never found her boyfriend in the three years.
time to the college entrance examination, parents began to take her to all places to participate in the arts examination, a few round down, the small dream is really seen by a school performance professional, as long as the college entrance examination results, the dream of small dream can be realized. However, she did not prepare for this dream. Finally, in the face of the total score less than 200 points of the college entrance examination results, little dream wailed loudly. Later, Xiao Meng heard from his classmates that a private school could learn to perform and did not need to take the college entrance examination, but the annual tuition fee was 30 thousand yuan. Her parents are ordinary workers, and can not afford such high tuition fees. Just as they talked about their difficulties with their little dreams, the words of a little dream hurt their hearts.
finally, the family still paid for the little dream to go to a junior college. Little dream everywhere said to people, "I went to college, my parents were too expensive to let me go." "The children now do not understand the gratitude at all." Mr. long said that he was not very fond of his children at all times. As long as he was slightly uncomfortable, he and I wanted to ask for leave and take care of him at home. A while ago, his mother had a fever. When he came in, he did not ask his mother's illness, but complained that he had no food at home.
Ms. Zhang also has a lot of confusion with her daughter's parent-child relationship. "I had secretly watched the child's QQ space, which was a close picture of her and the so-called boyfriend." when the child grew up, we rarely hugged, and I wanted to chat with the children. She also said it seemed as if we had nothing to do except study. It's good to say. But if the child does not study well, it will still depend on our relationship and money to make her learn, but our hard work does not understand them. "Do not do well, do not have to do very positive", this is Ms. Liu's summary of her children, let him study well, he always said that I do not understand him, do not give him space, he did not worry after the decline. Sometimes I admire and try to let the child handle something, but I find that he always makes a mess of things, and finally I want to come out to solve it. "I do not want to let children play, but at least we must learn to do well. This is a major premise."
only achievement theory is the waste child
"child, as long as you do well, everything else is not to be managed." this sentence is almost the majority of parents' mantra. As long as the child is willing to learn, all the requirements of the child, parents will be satisfied. Children who have been oversatisfied have become "monsters" who can't cook, do not take care of themselves, do not deal with interpersonal relationships, have no sense of respect and cooperation.
Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of the Chinese Center for youth research, thinks that parents should reflect on their educational methods when they complain about their children's capricious, impatient and fragile. Education that only aims at achievements is not real education. It should be called the waste of education. The healthy growth of children is not only by learning, but also in a lot of life: to cultivate self-confidence, love, sense of responsibility, self-control and resistance.
parents learn the art of punishment
many children get into trouble, their parents stay to clear up the mess. The child's experience is that I have been in trouble, and I can say "sorry".
Sun Yunxiao suggested that the art of punishment is to awaken the responsibility of sleeping in a child's mind. He said that his daughter was very naughty when she was in grade five. I often take my neighbor's grade three little brother to the parking lot of the hotel, but the security guard is afraid that the child will take a stone to row the car and catch them at the sight of them. They played hide and seek with security guards, and used stones to beat ground air for security. Later, the security guard grabbed the little brother, and my daughter was scared to ask for help. I said, if you take out, you need to bring it back. If you don't go today, why do you have a face to see your little brother tomorrow? Finally, she had no choice but to cry to apologize to the security guard.
big questions let the child decide
a famous Harvard University study shows that 3% of the people can write clear goals and detailed plans, 13% of the people write about the goals and plans, and the other 84% have no goals and no plans. After 10 years, these people were found again, and the same research and analysis found that the 3% people with clear goals and detailed plans were 10 times the income of the other 84%, and became the elite of American society. The 13% people who wrote rough goals and rough plans were two times the income of the other 84%, and became the middle class of American society. Those who had no goals and no plans had a lower level of life.
Sun Yunxiao said that the focus of family education is the cultivation of children's habits, which is a process from passivity to initiative to automatic, especially with a particular emphasis on developing a child's intellectual habit of forming a "life with a goal and a plan". As parents, children's major problems should be decided by their children. Love without understanding and respect is unhealthy.
Narrator: Xiao Fei, has been admired by many students in the top twenty Duke University,
many students admire me, think I have open parents, let me grow freely; many uncles and aunts envied my parents, think my personality open, independent and strong, from school to study abroad basically did not Let my parents worry about it.
mom and dad never nagged my study, but actively guided and encouraged me. In their sheep - style education, my achievements were never in the top, but in the middle and upper reaches, I used more time to develop my hobbies: boxing, piano, guqin, basketball, football. It is with these strengths and some social practice that I can successfully apply for Duke University.
in my life, my parents have always regarded me as an independent individual. I haven't slept with my parents since I was born. They said they wanted to give me independent space and develop my independence and independence. When I was in junior high school, I liked girls at the same level. After my mother knew, I was not angry, but accompanied me to pick gifts for her. Mother said that puberty love is a beautiful thing, so long as you do not cross the border, you can pursue it boldly.
of course, freedom also has the price of freedom. When I was 18 years old, I wanted to invite my classmates to play at home. Mom agreed, but I had to pay for the ingredients myself, and I had to submit the detailed plan to her one day in advance. But I was so busy buying things that I forgot all about the plan, and I wanted to write plans on my birthday. My mother said to me seriously, because my plan was late, so I lost the right to open PARTY at home.
from primary school, I have pocket money every month, but correspondingly, I have to submit specific expenditure details to my parents. After the age of 18, I no longer have pocket money to support myself. Many classmates asked me puzzled, why do you live in a villa, why do you still work in KFC? They even feel that my parents are too cruel. I don't think so. I have parents who are rich at home. They never said they would give it to me, and I never intended to enjoy it. As an adult with independent thinking and action ability, I hope to achieve higher achievement than my parents with my own hands.