Re: control is the worst Education
children eat their fingers, do they want to stop them?
first, why does a child eat his fingers? Someone has found that when a fetus is in the stomach, it has already started eating its fingers. If the baby feels that his hand is raised and then he can put it in his mouth, he will be very happy, just like discovering the new continent.
children before the age of 1, the tool to explore the world is the mouth, he will put everything in his mouth to test.
some parents are very nervous. In fact, the children are very, very careful, in the state of the fully aware, as long as they are not disturbed, there will be no problem. As long as we ensure that the surrounding environment is safe and hygienic, we should try our best to let children explore freely.
some children are later than the other children, that is because your child has the unique characteristics, do not correct him into a pipeline product, the same thing, all the children need us to care, not to change.
don't let your control become the yoke of children
the child is naturally in the state of awareness, and he will not hurt himself. For example, children love to play with knives. We can go with him to touch knives, touch them slowly, and let children experience this feeling themselves. A child who has experienced a knife experience is entangled with a rope when he is out. He will look for sharp knives and cut off the rope. This is the development of intelligence. Children who have learned only the knives are dangerous. The conclusion is that they are unable to save themselves.
if we just learned some conclusions, our intelligence is not developing. We are developing fear and restriction. I have seen many children who grow tall and do not dare to go down stairs. Mother is always in the middle of anxiety. The child feels that it is a terrible thing to explore the new world. It is dangerous to explore new things. Children have learned fear and restraint from childhood.
control equals the killing of spiritual life. If you manage him to eat, he feels that eating is pain. If you want him to learn, he will feel that learning is pain. If I control you, your will will not exist. It will be my will.
where your control wants to go, the child will feel endless pain.
do you give the child a rule?
a lot of parents asked me if I wanted to make a rule for the children. I thought it was the law that the subject of the contract was an equal person with civil capacity to make a contract. The child is not an independent actor. How can we make a contract with you? How can we set an exchange condition with you? This is an unreasonable treaty. The meaning of the rule is to maintain the feelings of both sides.
some mothers asked me that her children would brush their teeth and help her brush them together. When I asked her to brush her teeth with her children, what did you feel? She said she was very happy. What's wrong with me? If children learn to obey rules, they will be uncomfortable. How can he follow this rule?
if this rule makes children happy, this is a good result. The rules are the way that the two people are taken care of, and the rules at this time are comfortable, and when no one is supervised, he will be willing to obey the rules.
What does a child have to do with a bad habit?
every good child is terrible. They spend their whole lives doing things according to their parents' rules. They think they are good children and others must love him. When they encounter great setbacks, no one is good and no one loves them, and good logic is hit by crumble, terrible things will happen.
I have a friend who wants to divorce. He said that all my past events were arranged by my parents. I wanted to do something that the parents had not arranged. It was divorce. He was not really out of feelings, because he had been suppressed for too long.
any control will experience a rebound, no matter how accurate the control is.
behind every stubborn bad habit is the cry of pain of lack of love.
if your child has some bad habits, you can tell him, "baby, whatever you do, it's my child, I know your life has its own development, I don't have the ability to understand it, but I can accompany and see it."
each soul is born into the world. It has a mission. This mission does not require any supervision. It only needs love and freedom, and he will experience it naturally.
what kind of love should parents give to their children?
only children know what is best for him. How many of us live in anxiety, because reality is different from ours.
why should we trust? Because we can see this fable. During the drought season, the small trees curled up their leaves for self-protection. The gardener A saw the appearance and understood the essence and replenishment in time. The gardener B had nothing to do with it, and the little tree survived the rainy season. Gardener C learned a lot of knowledge and thought that leaf extension was healthy and correct, so he took the trouble to break up the leaves.
we can not understand education, we do not need to be a psychologist to have children, but we have to keep a humble heart, that you never know what is best for him.
the essence of education is the self cultivation of parents.
how humble we are about how deep we perceive ourselves. To see the child's premise is to see himself.
parents are the root cause of all problems of children. Love and freedom are the only answer.