Stop instilling these negative messages to children, the consequences are really serious.
a naturally normal child, if you say to him all day "your idiot". "You are slow," "the child is careless". For a long time, the child is really stupid, slow, and careless. Do you believe it?
1
yesterday afternoon, the cousin needs a temporary reception of a customer, the 3 grade son sugar in my home writing homework, and also instructed me to help check.
after the cousin, the little guy behaved quite honestly. He sat down at the desk and turned a creased math roll out of his bag and began to do it.
I am busy with my manuscript, occasionally looking back at my children. From time to time he scratched his head, or scratched his pen for a moment. It seemed that it was not easy.
after a while, the child estimated that it was done, and called me, "aunt, help me sign!"
I had wanted to boastful children to do their homework carefully, but when I picked up the papers, I found that a few simple multiplication methods were clearly miscalculated, and the next 2 application questions were not finished yet.
in order to avoid embarrassing children, I politely said: "sugar candy, look at these questions, do we need to calculate carefully?"
the child blushed with embarrassment and said, "Hey, hey, wrong calculation, right? It is careless that I do computational problems, and the old questions are always wrong.
I asked again, "then add this application question?"
the child said, "well... If I don't do it first, my mom says I'm not good at practical questions. Ask my deskmate tomorrow. He's smarter than me, and he's sure to do it. "
I was thinking about how to enlighten sugar candy and let him have some confidence in himself. Just in time, my cousin returned.
do not instill these negative messages to the children, the consequences are really serious
not waiting for me to "report", the cousin first followed me down:
"the sugar candy homework finished!" Is it like a roll and a rubbing paper? The calculation is wrong again. How do you say this child is so careless? Every day, he does not have long memory. The application questions behind him are often empty, worrying me to death, so stupid. "
when the cousin was so down, the child sat upright in his chair, without speaking. He bowed his head and pulled his clothes around.
2
stupid, may be the learned
in children's education, there is a noun called "acquired stupidity", a famous American educator Catesti.
Katz found in a long study that many children with very normal intelligence at birth have accepted too many negative comments from parents, teachers, and society in the process of learning, such as "you are a bad boy", "you are a real pig", and over time, the child has gradually lost confidence in himself. I think I am the "bad boy" and "pig brain" in others' mouth, so learning motivation, self-confidence and so on become very low.
in the end, these children not only have poor results, but also often do bad things in their lives. They really behave like a "bad boy" "big stupid".
don't instill these negative messages to children. The consequences are really serious
think about our own children, more or less "learned stupidity"!
like a cousin's child sugar candy, he is a very clever little boy, only a little slower in learning the application problem, to miss a few of the same types of questions, and then was defined by mother and teacher as "not good at application problems."
a long time, the child has accepted this negative suggestion, and also thinks that he is really not suitable for the application problem, so each time a slightly difficult topic, there will be a difficult mood, give yourself an excuse: "do not do it, I will not." The consequence of
is that the accumulation of more problems is not enough, and in the end, it is really not good at practical problems.
3
the negative message we convey to our children is much more frightening than
the power of language hint is really powerful. Positive hints can give people a hundred times confidence and have the determination to persist even if they are in trouble; while negative hints, it will discourage people, deny themselves, be unconfident, and have no motivation.
the growth of children, the most needed is a positive and healthy environment, but adults, because of the pressure of work, the long habit of speaking, anxiety, etc., always give the child a very negative emotion:
the child is late in the morning and is late, and we blurt out: " It's a few points, and the pout is still sleeping! Why is this child so lazy?
on the way to school, the child was very active, running and jumping, and then carelessly fell down. We blurted out, "it serves you right to make you naughty!" It's not good to go the way it is. What is the monkey's nerve? "
wrote homework at home, and the child's character was badly written. We said angrily, "are you blowing the northwest wind? Do you have a word to look like? Does horizontal flat understand? I just forgot?
do not instill these negative messages to children. The consequences are really serious
children growing up in such a environment will have a deep ununderstanding and trust, because the children do nothing in the eyes of their parents and do nothing well. But mom and dad didn't tell the children what to do in time.
so many children become angry with their parents, and their parents are very depressed, and they are all good for their children, but why do they still do it with themselves?
4
how to guide positively when children behave badly?
(1) on the matter, do not rush to label children
when many times, when the child shows some shortcomings, it is easy for parents to expand the shortcomings, and then put a general label on the children.
for example, when the child saw a stranger who did not dare to say hello, one of the words we had blurted out was, "how is this child so shy, no politeness, no one to say hello!"
in this ordinary example, "shy" "impolite" is the label we give the children, which is still a blow to the heart of the child.
for young children, the social scope is very small, afraid to meet strangers is a normal performance. Children are not really "shy" or "impolite", but parents are not properly guided.
I had met a mother before, and she never forced me to face her daughter who didn't like to greet her. Every time I see the acquaintance, her mother will imitate the voice of a child. The tone of his voice is joyful and fine, and he calls a "good aunt", "Grandpa is good" and "grandma is good". Then, the child is happy to shout.
do not instill these negative messages to children again, the consequences are really serious
(2) more said "how should do", less "do not do"
parents are love children, although sometimes words are a little heavy, but also hate iron not steel. However, the terms used to teach children are also exquisite. In the same sentence, in other words, the effect is often quite different. The most important thing is to blame our criticism and replace it with positive encouragement and hint.
for example: the cold weather, the child does not want to wear a coat, rather than "do not wear you to death", it is better to say, "wear the warm and live to be good fun with the children."
the child has used toys and picture books to not clean up, and criticizing the child "slovenly", it is better to say "now put the toys together, the next look for it." "
when the child writes the homework slowly, rather than scolding the child" rubbing "" ink ", it is better to tell the child to" write well, write the pain and play quickly "
when the child writes not seriously, he scolds him" crabs crawl "," the dog scratched ", not to say," you write this flat a bit, It's better to see than now "
in fact, parents want to convey positive hints to their children, they have to be positive and positive people first, think more calmly, be more patient, try to stand on the child's point of view and understand the problem, so that when the time grows, you can better accept the child. A variety of emotions, rather than moving, are angry.
after all, who can be furious if he can solve problems with a pleasant face?
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