baby us, born to be strong. The first self action after your birth is to protest your treatment. If you have something you don't like, you will express it immediately, and you are still stubborn. You are noisy and noisy, trying to make others know that you are not happy until you take measures. Once you are able to climb, whenever you want to, you will be persistent and strong in doing what you want to do. If you are curious about things, you will go in and out, climb up and down. Unless babies have physical defects or are sleeping, they will not let the people around them live. That's why people have invented a baby bed, a fence, a nanny, and a nanny, so that parents don't always run around the baby and can do something else freely.
these facilities can control the infant's autonomous behavior. But babies will soon grow up and become children. They will be able to speak and understand their parents. At this point, it is not appropriate to restrict your behavior from the body, so your parents' control of you becomes a psychological manipulation from physiological control. Once you learn to speak, the word you most forcefully blurt out is strong "no". Sometimes you even give up what you like to say "no". Although this stubbornness makes mom angry, it's just an extension of your strength that day. As you learn and explore glamorous language skills, and in order to control your behavior psychologically, parents will start to train you to feel anxious, ignorant, and guilt.
these feelings are changed by the basic survivability of fear. Once we acquire anxiety, ignorance or guilt, we will spare no effort to avoid experiencing these feelings. There are two important reasons why our parents train us to feel these negative emotions. First, the use of negative emotions can effectively control our infantile sense of strength. This strong sense, although natural, is unpleasant and sometimes even enmity. Second, parents adopt this psychological control method, inherited from their grandparents.
parents do this emotional training in a simple way. They instilled ideas and beliefs into us and taught us how to look at ourselves. You can stand and stand in the perspective of a child (perhaps your child, or you as a child), and look at the training he has gone through. Both parents do this training, but because mom gets along with you far more than dad, she has to take up most of the "dirty work". When you tidy up your room and pick up toys, your mother usually says, "you are a good boy." If she doesn't like what you do, she says, "only disobedient children do not tidy up the room!" You will soon understand that the word "disobedient" belongs to you, whatever it means. Whenever you talk about this word, mom's voice and tone will tell you that something that makes you nervous and uncomfortable is coming to you.
she will also use the word "bad, bad, ugly, dirty, capricious, unruly, naughty, abhorrent", and they describe the same object: you! But you are still a child, young, helpless, do not know anything. So, what you feel is silence, nervousness, fear and guilt.
in the process of training you to carry emotional ideas, such as "good" and "bad"), and in connection with some behavior, mom is actually denying that she has the responsibility to let you act according to her wishes (say, let you sort your room). Use "good", "bad", "yes" and "no" ideas to control your behavior. It's like saying, "don't look at me with that disgusting look. It's not that I want you to tidy up the room. God wants you to clean up the room. " With this statement, mom blamed the external authority on her duty to act in accordance with her wishes and make you unhappy. All the rules that we should obey are made by this external authority.
this is a way of self affirmation. The way to manipulate the behavior of others, that is, "really good child", is very effective, but it is a manipulative concealment control, not an honest interaction. In an honest and frank mother child relationship, mom will strongly tell you what she wants you to do according to her prestige and always stick to it. Mom can say, "thank you. I'm very happy to have your room cleaned up, "or, further," I asked you to clean up the room, that certainly annoyed you, but I wanted you to do it. "So mom was teaching you that she wanted you to do everything because she wanted you to do it.