the phenomenon of mutual respect between husband and wife is a landscape of Eastern families. Most people will think of the malpractice of paternalism, but our tradition has more places to be affirmed, and we need to explore and carry forward it.
some people think my husband and I will have a very good relationship or have a lot in common. But in fact, we are no different from other couples. It's not that we don't quarrel, but we know each other's length in the first place, so we know the difference, we know more about respect and recognition, rather than bicker or loud noise.
my husband and I have a lot in common in learning research, but there are many differences in trivial life. For example, he saves everything, but I do not. Although I am not a fan of wasteful or extravagant people, I often clash with my husband in specific details. If you want to treat me, I like to prepare a lot of materials, this and that is rich and thoughtful. But he could not bear to see it. Every time he emphasized to me, don't forget the identity of the student. I don't agree. We are entertaining guests. Shouldn't it be better than usual?
"if it's to be the case, no more guests." At last, I saw no persuasion, he said.
"I won't ask again." I'm angry, too.
but one day, the guest came again. I want to do my best to entertain the guests, prepare the dishes well, use fresh materials and good food. I am very interested in doing this, though it will be very tiring. But he thanking me for not even thanking me.
I was very sad, but I did not have to fight with him, and I know the reason for the difference between us is not because he is unhospitable, but the environment of growth is different. My father is an entrepreneur, I am a young man, and my mother pays special attention to the diet; and my husband has been away from home for a long time, and there will be a different way of life and a standard of hospitality in different environments. Through continuous dialogue with our husbands, we gradually recognized this difference.
sometimes it feels like mothers say that differences between husband and wife are good things, so that they can cherish each other.
although we try to avoid it, there are still some arguments. If children find us quarreling, I think of what mother once said, "there is at least one red face in a family," and I told the children to tell them that differences are allowed, and the difference between husband and wife is also beneficial in family life. Of course, in front of children, I always set up the authority of my father for my husband.
this is also a mother's role. If a mother does not respect her husband as a father, the child will not recognize his father's authority, so his father's teachings will not be able to stand. Vice versa。 At the moment when a wife becomes a mother, the husband begins to establish the authority of his wife. If a husband respects his wife and recognised his authority, the children will respect and follow their mother. If a husband ignores his wife, the children will ignore his mother. Similarly, if the mother ignores her husband, the children will be hostile to their father.
I know a girl who is excellent and very sensible, but she told me that her greatest trouble was to deal with her relationship with her mother. It turned out that her father had abandoned his wife's bad luck and told her never to be like your mother. So the girl was estranged from her mother when she was young. After growing up, she realized that this estrangement greatly hurt her mother and hurt herself. But it's easy to recover again.
there is bound to be differences between couples in their lives, but they must not be excessive. Especially if the situation is often seen by children, their uneasiness will far exceed our imagination.
if both sides have the attitude to solve all problems through communication, all differences can be easily handled. Of course, communication can not completely eliminate differences, but it can deepen mutual understanding, so that the feelings of husband and wife will be more profound.
you see, the process of educating children is also a process of loving each other, and a good couple will surely educate more successful children.
actually, there are many other differences between our husband and wife, but fortunately we have reached a consensus on educating children. We share the same view on children's educational goals and how to be children, so we can endure each other and compromise with each other.
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5, the way to open children's mind
our family must eat breakfast together every morning, which provides a good opportunity for us to communicate. No matter what the situation is, no matter how busy it is, the family members at home must have breakfast together. This is the principle set by my husband. Not only is the importance of breakfast to the human body, but also because it allows itself to recognize "me in the family" every morning. When I was newly married, I was very tired of such principles, but when I was raising my children, I found that it was a very good habit.
seeing children's expression and atmosphere in the morning can guess the things that happen to children, and can easily ask questions. A mother can show concern when she sees a more melancholy child. But expressing concern does not mean directly asking them questions. Directly asked, not only can not let the children feel that you want to communicate with him, but let him feel what you discovered.
at this time, I would ask the other siblings with the same room with the child: "is he suffering?"
the child living together must know more about the situation than I do. Of course, many of them are single child families. At this time, children's good friends can play the same role.
before you talk to your child, ask the people around you to get ready, so you don't have to hear the children complain, "Mom, you don't know anything, but..." That's the word. The most important thing in communicating with children is to understand the nature of communication. Some say it is better when the whole family is there, and only two people can say it. If we can not distinguish this point, it will make the sensitive child feel more sad and more contradictory.
in addition, we should pay attention to the introduction of communication opportunities, it is best not to directly tell the children, "let's talk." This form of straight forward will embarrass and stiffen the atmosphere before you start communicating, and it will be hard for children to open your heart to you at once. With the child to do what he likes, shopping, watching movies, watching TV, and so on, naturally create a two person time, the atmosphere becomes relaxed and natural, chatting can start.
besides, there are many ways to communicate with children. For example, I often use the time to haircut for children, and we feel more intimately connected by natural touch, such as hairdressing, touching them, and polishing them. At that time naturally asked them what I was curious about, and the children would not exclude.
once, when I heard of a child suffering from a heterosexual friend's problem from a child around me, I pretended to inadvertently talk to my child about the topic of his concern: "is there a classmate in the new semester? I had a classmate in a class when I was a child, and my heart was all the whole term." Thump can't stop.
, so that children can naturally ask their own questions.
it's best not to evaluate directly when listening to a child's story. If a child feels that his parents are analyzing and evaluating himself, he will not want to talk about it again. Therefore, parents can ask other questions, or agree with their children's practice, to continue to induce children to speak out.
"Mom, I joined the squad leader and ran into such a problem..."
"do you run for the election, do the rest of the other students support?" in this form, other questions to understand the situation of the child at that time, you can understand the information about the relationship between children. If the children say that there are other competitors, it is more difficult for the squad leader to run for election, so he can not compare him directly with the competitor. To give children the opportunity to think, let him organize his own thoughts. In this way, he can analyze the advantages and disadvantages of his competitors and correct them in the future.
besides, communication can not be scheduled in advance like lectures. Efforts should be made to make communication a natural part of life. To give the child the belief that the child is willing to listen whenever it is about you, and even if the mother does not find the problem, the child will take the initiative to speak out, so that the problem will be solved.
there is another point to be noted when communicating, not to give a child, "I am an adult, you are a child, you have to listen to me." it is better to show the opposite attitude and let the child feel that he is telling you something you don't know, so that he will be very happy, and have a sense of achievement.