Re: destroys the 10 killers of their children's confidence
distrust of children is a common educational mistake of Chinese parents. Too many parents fail to realize that a distrust of one's ability is a relentless challenge to human dignity. When a family member is afraid of children lying, criticize, judge and question their children's words, they have planted a suspected seed in their hearts.
parents' distrust of children is also manifested in the ability to recognize the feelings of the sexes, and we think that the children must not have the ability to distinguish pure emotions and dirty emotions. The truth is that the children's feelings about sex and all kinds of things related to them are as natural as that of other things in nature, and the bad tendency of young people is mostly caused by the adverse effects of the anti strengthening of their parents.
7. take the children compared to
the comparison here refers to the comparison between parents' advantages of others' children and their children's shortcomings.
we wishful thinking that compared with excellent children, we will arouse the motivation of children's learning and growth. Of the same age children, there is a comparative psychology. In this way, not only one hundred percent can not achieve the purpose of learning for the good, but the opposite of the result of the parents' hope will leave the child with a negative shadow of inferiority. This inappropriate comparison may cause an adverse action for an aggressive child; a child with a weaker aggression will leave a shadow in his mind, "I am not as good as other children, he is valuable, I have no value..." The child felt that he could not lift his head before the man.
the real way that our parents need to master is to teach children to compare themselves with themselves and compare with their yesterdays. "Yes, your performance is better than last time!"
8.'s way of punishing children is inappropriate
a lot of parents often kick their children and kick, knowing that scolding children is the most direct harm to their children's self-esteem. Up to now, parents insist that "filial piety under a stick" should be considered. Corporal punishment can correct children's bad habits.
because children depend on adults for material reasons, they can not compete with adults, but this does not mean that children will follow the wishes of adults. As an adult, you can change your child's behavior by corporal punishment and scolding, but this does not change the child's mind. The child's behavior must have his own reasons. If the parent does not know the root of the child's behavior, it is simply judged according to his own opinion. The child is not convinced by the strong pressure of you. If family education, parents blindly punish and beat and scold can only make children feel helpless and without dignity.
some extreme punishments may even breed seeds of resentment in the hearts of children, leaving negative shadows in adulthood.
9. coercion children to do what he does not want to do
child is the subject of independent personality like an adult. He is not your senior toy, and parents should respect the child's own choice.
if you are the food supplier of the child, you get the power to dominate the will of the child and what he has to do, you are the slave owner, the child becomes your slave! Forcing children to do something they do not want to do is equal to ignoring their dignity. This is the "high voltage line" that parents must always pay attention to in family education.
10. conditional love
a person's conditional love is equal to dealing with his own feelings. The most direct consequence of parents' conditional love for their children is that they will not be able to learn to love and be loved seriously.
there are too many parents in the process of teaching children, do not express their unconditional love for their children, but the love of their children and children's behavior linked. In life, this is a very common scene:
"if you are a good student this semester, I will buy clothes for you."
"the top five, I will take you to travel."
"do your homework well, and I'll buy you something delicious!"
"if you fail this exam, you won't have to come back!"
the parent's expression of love is based on the premise that the child must act accordingly. This makes the child realize that "love is computable and can be exchanged" from childhood. So he won't give true love unconditionally. Because his love is conditional, he can not establish stable love relationship with others after adulthood, which determines the unhappiness of his marriage. He will be despised in the environment, and finally become a snobbish little citizen, who will linger in the bottom of his life all his life.
so please hold on to the parents who hold the sceptre of love. Do not abuse your power. If the child does not know how to love others unconditionally, it will be the tragedy of the child's life.