Destroy the 10 killers of a child's confidence
origin: Cradle network
the following 10 points are the behavior of parents to educate children to hurt their self-esteem easily. If we do not avoid these behaviors, we will do great harm to children's self-esteem.
1. parents for children to do all
too many Chinese parents, to take care of their children and take care of the children's spare time for a large number of learning programs, music, painting, dance, foreign language... Parents hope that the future of their children can be understood in the future, but the way of doing so will make the children dependent on their lives, and create passive and negative emotions in their learning. This is very bad for the child's growth. The child must bear the responsibility of his life independently. Parental overprotection is a relentless killing of children's creativity. A child has never done anything, but learning can never be a genius. On the contrary, if you are young enough to do everything for your children, you will feel useless, unconfident, and no ability to do things well in the group after a child's adult.
2. parents act frivolous
as James Baldwin said: "children are never good at listening to the elders, but never do not imitate their behavior."
parents' behavior is a living textbook for children. If a parent has a lot of unchecked places on his own, the parents often speak out, speak vulgar, and get used to gossip. The child will think that there is no respect between people and people is normal. Even if his reasoning is regenerative, children will not learn to respect.
3. ignores the existence of children's />
if parents do not listen to their children in the early days of their children, ignore the children, ignore the child's existence, the child will think that this is normal behavior, the normal relationship between people and people, such children can not build self-esteem.
an orphanage in the United States organized a group of university female college students regularly to the orphanage to give the orphans a continuous time of hugging, touching and other physical contact. As a result, orphans are more gentle each time they are caressed. The reason is that children are born with attention and need of being loved. If children feel neglected and ignored, they feel that their self-esteem is hurt, and the more intelligent and sensitive children are hurt. Many parents look for excuses and do not listen to their children. Young children generally reflect, "parents do nothing to explain to us," "parents only say what they want to say, and what I want to say, they do not listen!"
so, if the child does not respect others and can't be quiet and listen to the speaker, we can measure it, and the people closest to the child usually do not listen to the child's speech, not meet his wishes as often as possible, unintentionally causing the child's self esteem.
4. destructive criticism of children
destructive criticism is a relentless deprivation of children's self-esteem.
when children do something wrong, parents want to criticize their children by criticizing them, and we regard them as a force. When this force strikes the child's behavior, that is, your criticism is directed at his behavior, and the child will develop in the direction you want. On the other hand, this force hits the child's personality value, that is, what you attack is the value of the child as a person, which will make the child feel that he has no dignity and no value, and is gradually losing its self-esteem and value.
today the child did not finish his homework carefully. You blame him: "why do you hate learning so much? You are a child without perseverance! You are directly attacking his personality. He just doesn't take it seriously once, and you become a child without perseverance. This message is left in the child's mind: "mother says I am a child who is not serious, perseverance, and does not like learning." These negative evaluations of children's personality will remain in the child's subconscious mind and form negative anchors. On the other hand, he would think, "I've been studying for so long, just playing for a while..." He will find a reason for a big push, and your criticism is not at all making him realize the wrong effect.
if your child is rebellious, your child will be saved. Because it shows that he still has pride, and you hurt his self-esteem, so he picked up this shield to fight against you. It's like when people are in a hurry to fight, whether they are brooms or knives. Our children's reaction is the same. He doesn't care what you say is right or wrong, ready to fight back.
when a child gives up a confrontation, "if you think I am a liar, then I will lie!" It shows that pride has been broken and completely broken. You can't adjust your behavior through language without a self respecting child. We see how many parents, they are "hard" to destroy their children's self-esteem, and then complaining, "how did he become such a person?" Isn't that enough to warn parents?
5. "former teacher"
if you want to destroy a child's pride, you just criticize his shortcomings, let him have no opportunity to refute, all of a sudden!
too many times, children are not obedient, often before "people", our parents feel hurt their self-esteem, loudly yelled at the children. Our traditional educational philosophy holds that this is normal. As we all know, public criticism can only make children temporarily afraid of pressure and dare not resist. More important is to hurt the child's self-esteem. A bad word is not enough, it will hurt the child's heart at once.
every parent must understand that even a young mind can be very sensitive. If children do not get enough respect at the early stage of their life, their self-esteem will be ruthlessly killed. On this issue, many parents have a misunderstanding. They follow the ancient precept of "teaching people before their sons, and teaching wives after others". It is believed that in the presence of the outsiders, the children can be reprimed directly in the open situation of the family. Only in this way can the children have a memory to impress and thus get rid of the trouble. The result of these mistakes is the opposite of the parents' hopes - such children are behaved rudely, rudely, indiscreet and unrespectful in the crowd. Please search for a similar behavior in your family education:
scream and curse when you are angry with your baby.
loudly scolds young children: "shut up! Do you have to speak? " "Do not listen again, throw you here, and see who will take care of you!"
threatened the teenage child with words: "if you don't listen, you never go home again!" "I don't have a son like you (daughter)!"
blames the child's behavior, Waguchi O: "if you are not honest, I'll pick up your skin!"
some parents even took their children to kneel in public, openly humiliating their children in order to make their children better.
imagine, can an adult tolerate another insult to another adult? And children's weakness decides that they have no choice but to obey. Adults, however, continue to force children and hurt their children in the name of love, stubbornly with the rules of the adult world. Regardless of the rules of the adults and the rules of the children's world, they must have their own reasons for ignoring the child's behavior. We personally cultivated the child's rudeness and arrogance, and then complained to the whole world: "how can he do this child?"
in the feeling of unrespected children, they are not respected because they are not worthy of being respected, so many children who look arrogant are not so satisfied with themselves, and his behavior is only to treat others with their feelings.
, therefore, parents should always remember: in personality, children are equal to themselves. Children are born with the right to be respected. Please respect your children as you respect yourself, respect your leader, your colleagues and friends.
, so we must avoid criticizing children in public in the process of education.